“Jared” finale 

We fast forward 2 years after Jared started therapy……

Since then, he has quit his job as a labourer and at the fast food restaurant.  he found a job he loves to do. It was a hard few months in between jobs with barely any income, but after a couple late payments and some patience, it all worked out for Jared’s family.  He was a much happier person at home. He felt less stress during work. Was sleeping at normal times during the weekend and taking care of his body properly.

  He learned at therapy that self love, above all, was the most important gift you could give yourself.  Being your own best friend was the key in growing happier within ones self. He had been trying so hard to please everyone else around him that he lost touch with himself. When he got rejected, or wasn’t liked by someone at work, he took it harder out on himself and felt like he was to blame for it all.  Everybody in this world deserves to be loved.  If we don’t learn to “love thy self as thy neighbour” as the bible says, we make it harder for us to receive love by someone else.  So as Jared was taking this all in, he was starting to see the world in a whole new perspective.  He is understanding that in order to fix a problem, we have to peel off the layers, in order to reach the core.  

Almost every single addict or alcoholic has had something very traumatic happen to them during their upbringing.  No ones life was perfect growing up, some people just have different standards than others.  For example, a boy whose family was rich, was also going through a difficult divorce, which tore the boy to pieces being around angry upset people 24/7. Meanwhile a little girl whose family was loving, caring and always there for each other was struggling to make payments and often ate supper in the dark. Both are heartbreaking in very different scenarios. But goes to show that mental illness can attack anyone at any age at any time. Rich or poor, God created us all equal. Our bank account does not define us. 

We become good at wearing masks most of our lives. As if everything was perfect. But sooner or later you will reveal the emotional pain you went through. For some, drinking brings that out in people.  They become angry, violent, depressed, or drink till they blackout.  Jared seemed to drink himself till he blacked out regularly almost as if he was punishing himself and his body.  He hated himself for not fitting in with people he wanted too.  He tried so hard to fit in with the popular crowd that when he was rejected he instead shut down as if he didn’t deserve to have friends.  He felt like he was different or weird. Then a thought comes to his head.  Maybe if he stopped trying to fit in with people,  he wouldn’t have hung out with alcoholic drug addicts in the first place. MAYBE , if he loved himself unconditionally,  he wouldn’t feel the need to seek it elsewhere! And that is when we create the domino effect.  When we conquer the core problem, the rest shall follow. 

If we can look past the problems we visibly see.  The drinking, the anger issues, the depression, the anxiety, etc.  We will then start to make progress on helping someone.  We don’t cure people with depression or anxiety, we help them.  What’s happened in the past has happened and cannot be changed, but it doesn’t have to take the strangle hold on our lives as it once did. 

People will say “you drink way too much, you have a drinking problem”.  I disagree, Yes the person does have an issue that needs to be addressed. But it’s not the drinking that’s the problem, it’s what drives the person to want to drink so much that will help.  Not avoiding bars or parties, because that’s no way to live. You can free yourself of any kind of burden you face if you can conquer the core. 
Jared paid off his debt with mark, then blocked and deleted his number.  He didnt need marks approval anymore. He found it within himself.  Which allowed him to become so much more lovable to his wife and kids.  

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“Jared” part 10

“Jared” part 10

750$?! He replied. His brain started to race in his head trying to remember all the times that mark covered for him while partying. There was no way in hell he had spent that much. Mark kept insisting that’s what was owed.  For the next few days Jared’s cell phone was off. Avoiding any kinds of conflicts with Mark, he wanted to give his wife, kids and newborn his full undivided attention.  He begins to stay home on weekends and even looked into counselling that was covered by insurance.  He had learned a lot about himself that he never thought of through this new experience.  The problems that had a occurred when he was a child had been affecting him today. 

The anti-socialism, low self esteem, and now the addictive personality.  We don’t think to ourselves that events that happened 20 years ago would still play a role in our lives today but they do.  We carry that weight around with us until our backs begin to ache.  Ever felt that? Seems like your back ache just started happening on its own didn’t it.  Wasn’t like you lifted something heavy and broke your back. It’s achy, not a stinging pain.  And the addictive personality was him craving what he never had, which was friendship and loyalty.  No matter the cost, as long as he fit in with the others, he was happy.  The problem with that was, he was miserable and depressed the other 6 days of the week.  Doesn’t seem worth it when you put it like that.  

Jared and the psychologist both agree that the healing needs to begin with his younger self.  Through meditation and conversations Jared had been avoiding his whole life, the healing process had begun.  His insecurities, lack of confidence, low self-esteem, depression, anxieties and stress had been keeping him down his whole life. All day. Everyday. For the past 20+ years.  The mental breakdown was a ticking time bomb. The only time he didn’t feel those mental illnesses was when he was drunk or high, Now you tell me why people tend to get addicted to drugs and alcohol? 

When he drank he felt happier than ever, until the drinking picked up, and increased dramatically.  The highs we feel from substances are fraudulent. It isn’t real. They give us this idea that if we drank enough it would solve all our problems.  We were happier, more out-going, friendlier, less anxious, and stress free.  

The problem with that was, to quote sir Issac Newton “what goes up, must come down”.  Self explanatory, it’s impossible for humans to experience that kind of euphoria all day, all the time.  Your brain and body need time to rest.  There are much better ways in conquering these mental illnesses to maintain a balanced long healthy life!  When your stable, the things around you become more stable. Your bills, your income, but more importantly your relationship to yourself, your family and your friends.  As great as having money to spend feels, we cannot take it with us when we pass away.  Jared had been neglecting his family and realizes all the pain he’s been causing.  This is never going to be an overnight cure.  It takes time and effort to regain some emotions we left behind growing up.  Life can sure beat you down,  but you can also become resilient with the right knowledge to fight back. 

To Be Continued 

“Jared” part 9

“Jared” part 9

His wife was now 9 months pregnant and the aniticipation was building for Jared as he was both excited and nervous for the new baby. The bank account read zero, his job was in jeopardy and his wife had been very distant as of late. Her due date was in 2 weeks from now but the partying had not stopped for him.  He said his cell phone was always on if she needed him on the weekends and figured that was ok with her as long as he answered. She was depending more on her sister to help her at this point and couldn’t trust Jared to be there for her anymore. He was a completely different person in her eyes.

She had the baby on a Sunday morning and Jared had been drinking all weekend. He was a complete mess and had to force himself to stay awake but his body was shutting down.  He woke up 3 hours later sitting in a chair at the hospital beside his wife’s bed and missed the birth of his 3rd child.  Feeling ashamed, miserable and depressed.  He decided right then and there it was time to stop and get help.  He held the baby closely and began repeating the words “im sorry” while fighting back tears.  Maybe this was the eye opener he needed in order to get help.  

Weeks pass and he has begun to seek counselling and has managed to stay sober. He was feeling healthy again, almost rejuvenated.  He was quite happier and his wife was starting to enjoy his company.  She was glad he was getting help to stop drinking and so was he. He ignored calls and texts from mark and felt guilty at the same time.  So he txtd mark saying he was busy with the new baby.  Mark quickly replied congrats followed by a “so do you have that 750$ you owe me?” 
Part 10 tomorrow 

“Jared” part 8

“Jared” part 8

A month later Jared gets approached by his foreman at work. He calls him into his office and asks him to sit.  The foreman tells Jared he’s concerned with the lack of performance lately and the tardiness with being late and calling in sick. He writes Jared up, says he’s got one more chance, then excuses him.  This infuriates Jared as he thinks there are guys on this site that are far worse than him and they seem to never get in trouble! Why is everything always his fault, and he gets blamed for everything!  As the day goes on he still has these same thoughts lingering in his head and wants to just quit right then and there.  Unfortunately he absolutely needs this job and can’t afford to do that, besides, his wife would kill him if he did, he chuckles to himself.  He decides not to tell his wife about the warning at work as he does not want to spark another arguement like they have been doing a lot of lately.  They were both on edge.  His wife (now 7 months pregnant) was losing her patience with Jared’s partying of late.  But has gotten to the point where she is caring less and less.  She is misable more days than not, and finds herself breaking down periodically.  With two kids and one on the way. She wonders if she’s made the right decisions in life.  Is this it? This was her life now?  It’s not exactly the perfect scenario for anyone with aspiring dreams growing up. Living pay check to pay check and a spouse that seems to think partying is necessary to help relax him.  She rarely sees him anymore on weekends as he either is out drinking or sleeping the day away. Those thoughts run through her head as she does the dinner dishes, tears running down her cheeks, as she watches them fall into the water as if it were in slow motion.  This was the only time she could get alone time from the kids it seems. When she’s doing chores and Jared watches tv with them.  It was like being a single mother with 3 children, with no money, and the feelings of hopelessness running through her head all the time. She has to stop washing. Fighting back the urge to scream, she takes a breathe. Sniffles a few times. Then carries on…..

To be continued

“Jared” part 7

“Jared” part 7

Jared gets home after quite the adventure, and heads straight for the shower to help himself calm down.  His wife hears him from downstairs and waits patiently to hear this story of why there is money missing. While in the shower Jared is breaking down into tears and is feeling extremely depressed at the moment from all the bad things he’s done in the past few months.  He feels a large number of emotions and is beating himself up inside. He drys off, heads downstairs and approaches his wife.  With a sobbing voice he tells her that he made a big mistake by betting a coworker on a baseball game.  His wife immediately questions the entire statement as she knows he doesn’t watch baseball nor gets along with his coworkers.  But Jared defends and defends, and sticks to his story.  He apologizes, and says those famous words I’m sure we’re all familiar with “it won’t happen again, I promise“.  She let’s it go, still not 100% believing his story but Jared hasn’t lied to her before, why would he start now? Unless he’s been lying to her this entire time, she starts to question.

The next few weeks Jared’s mood has began to change drastically.  He was much more uptight at work, did not speak to anyone and tried to isolate himself as much as possible.  His work had started to decline in efficiency and tasks that took him 2 hours before are turning into an all day event.  He was absolutely miserable and difficult to be around.  He started listening to sader music,  stopped watching shows he used to love, and was neglected his own children at times.  His wife was beginning to get really concerned about his well being and asks him if everything was alright.  Jared claims he’s fine and just had a busy week at work.  On weekends he still hangs with mark, the partying becomes almost routine and the only time Jared was remotely happy was when he was either drunk, high or both.  The next few days after the come down are getting worse and worse.  He would stay in bed. Sleep most of the weekend away, and barely eat anything at all.  His wife was drawing major concern at this point, but every time she asks about his well being it fuels an argument and Jared gets extremely defensive.  Claiming he’s always working and supporting everyone in this house, he says he needs his time to unwind.

The following weekend him and mark plan to get together for drinks at a lounge.  They down a few beers, put back some nachos and decide their ready to call their dealer and head to Mark’s.  They both get up to pay the bill in a rush to get going, mark pays his bill with cash then Jared inserts his debit.  Puts in his pin and sees the words “Decline” on the screen. He begins to laugh nervously and asks if he can try it again.  He was certain there was money in the account and the bill was only 28$.  Sure enough he reads decline again.  Mark laughs like it was no big deal, he grabs Jared’s tab and says he can pay him back another time.  Usually someone would be concerned at this point but Jared was about 6 beers deep already and the amount of care in his head right now was minimal.  He only cares about grabbing more beer at this point.

They get to Mark’s  and shortly after arrives the dealer.  Jared had no money and asked mark if he could borrow a few bucks.  Mark had no problem at all, and away they went. Spending hours and money on nothing.  This, is what has become routine for Jared.

Part 8 tomorrow

“Jared” part 6

With his palms beginning to sweat and his mind racing with ideas for a legit answer.  He starts to feel light headed and dizzy. He’s breathing fiercely now, and heads outside for air. He feels like he just ran a marathon, and he was about to have a heart attack with no idea why.  His brain is clouded and can’t think straight. Jared shuts his eyes and covers his face with his hands. He just had his first panic attack.  An experience he’s never gone through before. Though he has no idea of what happened or why it’s happening, he figures it’s probably just dehydration from all the beer this past weekend.  He makes his way to the washroom to splash water in his eyes, and downs a cup full of water.

One hundred and fifty dollars.  Maybe not the worst amount of money wastedd on a drug, but to a single working parent anticipating a third child on the way, It wasn’t exactly in the budget.  Jared brainstorms on what he could possibly reply with to his wife. She knows Jared didn’t have friends, she’s met all his family members. So who could this Zach guy be to Jared, and why did Jared owe him that much money?  With nothing coming to mind, he responds “I’ll explain when I get home babe”.  It at least buys him time to think.

The drive home was a quiet one, no radio or music playing to cheer him up from work. He had much bigger things to worry about. How could he have been so stupid. He knows he didn’t have that much money to just throw away.  He’s on the verge of a breakdown now, his eyes are filling up fast with tears.  With an angry look on his face he couldn’t have gripped that steering wheel any harder. He’s once again beating himself up emotionally inside and starts to wonder why he’s even alive. “I’m nothing but a screw up, I’ll never get ahead in life and certainly don’t deserve the title of husband or father.” “Everyone hates me, i have nobody to talk to and the world is way better off without me.” He’s going on and on at this point putting himself down instead of thinking of an excuse as to why the money was spent. He doesn’t notice that he’s speeding way above the speed limit at this point and sees that he has now missed his turnoff. Now even more angry that he just added another 25 minutes to his drive home. He starts to scream. The loudest he’s ever screamed since birth. It was a cry out for help. He’s not in a good place and certainly should not be driving. As he sees his next turn off he forgets to shoulder check to his right and switches lanes immediately. He hears a loud horn followed by screeching of tires and veers back to his lane before pulling over to the side of the road.  He had just barely missed a huge collision and now has a paralyzing look on his face.

MY OBSERVATION 

Isn’t it aweful how Jared can’t seem to catch a break? Or is it more so his fault for putting himself in that kind of position? In my opinion it’s a bit of both. I think him being stressed out from working two jobs, dealing with harassment at work, and being the sole provider for his family has taken a toll on his mental health. The rest is just a domino effect. The drinking, the drugs, the inadequate work he’s doing. I wonder what would have happened if he was at a different company, working with better guys. Would he have felt the need to go to that bar for a drink? He never would have met mark. Life is funny how one single decision could impact a persons life that much. He’s turning into an alcoholic drug addict that now has to go home and lie to his wife, or risk losing her and the kids. 

Part 7 to come..

“Jared” part 5

The next day Jared woke up with a splitting headache and felt weak. He was shaking and struggling just to open the fridge door to get juice.  His wife asked what time he had gotten home. Jared replied “midnight” counting on the fact that his wife usually went to bed early. The truth was he staggered in around 5 am, and was now up at 7:30 to help feed the kids. Just as he was about to head back to bed.  His wife told him to make sure the house was cleaned and the kids are bathed, as they were expecting his brother’s family over for 1pm.  He had totally forgotten he was having them over this weekend and made an effort to shake off the hangover with a lot of water, a few advils, and a shower.

The guests arrive and Jared starts drinking again with his brother. The first beer was painful for him, but after the 4th he was feeling pretty good. He hadn’t   eaten much, maybe a bagel or two and found himself feeling pretty good at the 5th beer.  The meal went good, the kids went off to play and the adults stayed outside socializing.  Jared was mid conversation with Pat when he lost focus all of a sudden, and started thinking about how good a line would be right now.  Just to wake him up a bit and be able to stay up later with Pat as well. 2-3 hours of sleep and no nap would be hard to function with.  He remembers he got Mark’s dealers number last night and shoots him a quick txt.
MY OBSERVATION

So now this has gotten to a part where Jared is in trouble. He is now reaching for a drug after he’s had 5-6 beers and craving it. The “feeling tired” is an excuse to “need it”, the drug from last night still being in his system and now going through withdrawal is telling him that he needs more to feel good again. He could easily stop drinking and maybe have a coffee, but the bad decisions come when you introduce a substance to the brain. Jared is not in full control of the driver seat. 

Sure enough the dealer pops by, a quick exchange in the front street while everyone was still in the back and Jared finds himself in the bathroom doing lines again.  Around midnight, pat’s wife decides it’s about time to leave as Pat was feeling pretty good at this point.  So they end up leaving,  Jareds wife and kids head to bed and he stays up somewhat wide awake until 5-6 am.

Monday morning he leaves for work and he could not be anymore tired. His motivation was completely gone and forgot to even pack himself a lunch. It was a long morning for him and filled with a lot of mistakes that the foreman called him out on. This wasn’t like Jared. His work was always to perfection and he seemed to get things done a lot quicker than the rest of the guys.  Jared’s excuse was that he wasn’t feeling the greatest and didn’t get much sleep over the weekend.  So the foreman let him off the hook as he understood that being sick can affect sleep, and Jared has always been reliable in the 4 years he’s Been there.  After the short meeting with the foreman he hears a text message come through on his phone, it’s his wife. His heart began to beat outside his chest.

“Why is there a transfer of 150$ from our account, to a guy named Zach Wesley”
To be continued ..