I saw a video about a month ago that gave me that lump in my throat.  It was a boy sitting at his desk while a classmate was belittling him in front of everyone else.  The teacher was not present (I assume) as this continued for about a minute. A bell rang and all the kids went to the hallway where the bully continued stalking him and calling him names.  The young boy tries his best to ignore the verbal abuse until the bully decides to try physical instead. He corners the victim in a corner and as the other kids were recording and laughing at this all, the bully begins to punch him repeadidly.

I had a hard time watching this. As a victim to bullying myself, it brought back familiar feelings. Coming home from school in tears, dreading the next day, praying that the bully would leave me alone. Imagine someone embarrassing you everyday in front of others, making you feel worthless, weak, and scared.  I hated school. I ran home everyday so I could go lock myself in my room, and be left alone as I played with my toys.  I was quiet and shy most of my life, and grew up being anti-social.  I turned to alcohol at 17 and found that I had no more fear being around people. I was more friendly, talkative and outgoing. I liked alcohol because it made me friends. Something I longed for as a kid growing up.  Fast forward 12 years and it’s the same alcohol that is making me depressed, isolated, and angry.  I realized after my family and loved ones had expressed concern that drinking wasn’t fun for me anymore, and I needed help.

In my opinion, bullying has lingering effects on a person’s identity.  It stays with them, maybe forever unless they learn how to manage it.  As you can see, among other truamatic events,  alcohol wasn’t exactly my best friend in the end.  I noticed that I was really stand- offish and angry.  I would become a bully myself in order to boost my own ego.  I would put people down, act like a tough guy and even get into fist fights. This wasn’t me. I was acting like a child all over again, reliving that nightmare I went through in my earlier years. Only this time, I’m trying to do something about it to the wrong people.  Probably because I put on some muscle and wasn’t that scrawny little kid anymore.  I felt like I needed to boost my ego back up. Become an “alpha male”.  The most ridiculous label ever.

So, after a few relapses, some counselling, and a lot of patience from loved ones. I am starting to be my old self again.  I feel like there is a lot more to life than sitting in a basement drinking beer every weekend.  It’s great to not wake up hungover and my motivation of success is coming back to me.  My relationships are improving greatly, along with self esteem, confidence, and happiness.

If bullying is something you went through or are going through, understand that as alone as you may feel, there are a thousands even millions who have gone through it too.  It’s your ego and self esteem that are being attacked.  We need to build those up in order to have confidence enough to be able to brush that shit off your shoulder and walk with that little bit of swag in your step. Bullies are often times very insecure people who are taking out their anger on you because someone or something at home is not doing good. They feel like they need to prove something in front of others in order to gain attention and friends. Maybe from neglect at home. They attack people that have different qualities than the majority in the class.  They see the low self esteem, the low confidence and use that leverage to pry you open.  So, we need to get those back.  And it just so happens I have written pages on these kinds of areas. So read, read, read, over and over till you know it off by hand. And practise the exercises. All of them.  You will be discovering a whole new improved YOU and back to loving life in no time!

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