This will be my last apology. To anyone I’ve hurt in my past. I’ve mistreated a lot of close friends and family members that mean the world to world to me. I’ve let every single person close to me down atleast once and my parents my siblings, and myself several times. I’m sorry.
But I want to make sure you understand what I’m apologizing about because I will no longer say “sorry” without learning and educating myself first on what it is I did wrong. I want you all to understand that I’m sorry i tried to run from every single problem I’ve ever had. I’m sorry I pointed fingers at everyone else around me and blamed them, for my mishaps. I’m sorry it took me 26 years to finally realize something wasn’t right. And I’m sorry you had to witness me at my worst times. I’m sorry I tried to control you. I tried to dictate other people’s lives so it catered to my needs first and foremost. I’m sorry I no longer speak to close friends and family members on a daily basis anymore. I’m also very sorry for all the damaging words I may have said in the past.
It’s easy to say I was just drunk, or angry, or stressed or depressed and then expect everyone to forgive me like im a walking hall pass. Please know, one thing. I’m not a walking excuse.
I recently joined Facebook again, because it was another source of getting in touch with people. I did not want to be in hiding anymore. I will face my problems and I’m sorry you will maybe have to witness the ugliness depression brings out of me. I will post sad, sad things. Not every day, or every month or every year but know that I’m not crying out for attention or support, but educating everyone. Because I am not ashamed anymore of when I cry, when I’m weak or when I’m vulnerable. I’ve learned ways on mending this disease quicker, easier and less painful each time. And I will help everyone suffering along side with me in doing so. See that’s what keeps me going. That purpose in life, that if I fail or just give up, a lot more lives could potential suffer.
So this is my last apology for the old me. I will struggle, I will fall, and I will fail. But each time that I get up, I will inspire. That’s my life.