Do you wake up sad every day? Do you feel like maybe you’re just a downer for everyone, or that maybe you’re just not trying hard enough? I feel like that all the time. I have friends and even family that feel like that too, the difference is they take anti depressants. Thats absolutley fine, and I don’t discrouage anyone to take their medication, if it helps.
I am a person who does not like taking medications or pills, and when I have taken antidepressants, they didn’t react well with me. Either I felt like a zombie and I completely couldn’t figure out who I was anymore, or my symptoms got worse with some, and once I even had an allergic reaction to one type, and had to go to the hospital. Some people say that I should give them more of a chance, but I think people should give me more of a chance.
How one person mananges their depression, isn’t necessarily going to be beneficial to another person. I know I can be very hard on myself, especiially in the tough swing of things, those days or sometimes even weeks, where you find yourself crying over little things, or remembering old things you swear you’ve gotten over, or just not acting yourself.
Sometimes I feel so silly for the feelings I get, I get angry with myself and start to question if I’m handling my depression properly? Thats when I realize I am not. Its okay to manage your deprestion in different ways than others, so long as it works for you, and is beneficial to you, and the people around you. But getting mad at myself for the way I feel, isn’t handling it appropriatley, and its hard for me to see that sometimes when I’m going through a depression spell.
I try to write in a journal, so that I can be more reflective when I need to be. Other times, because of my axiety I’m very aware of myself and my siatuation, which really does work as a bonus in those down times. So i’ve learned some self help methods, starting with how to make me feel better.
I can start by trying to think of something that makes me feel good, or a person that I love. I think back at a happier time, if I can’t find good around me at the moment. I try to be kinder to myslef, notice that I need to be loved and cared for, and its usually in that moment that I feel, like I need to mabye try to do something I like, like working out or dancing or listening to music or reading a book. I find that that helps me for a little bit, but only for a little bit. I also realize in that moment, that i’ve been pushing people close to me away, and usually the ones who know me the best, will try to come around anyways, because they see the signs and they care.
I realize that, when i’m sitting alone that I pushed them away, and now I need them. So I pick up the phone. I never did before, because I didn’t want to bother people with my feelings, but then I realize that if they care about me, they will be there for me. I’m lucky enough to have a few people who will be there for me, even after I push them away, because they know that I will welcome them with warm embraces, once i’m back to feeling better. Once the depression subsides or the anxiety eases up.
I did have a time when I felt I had no one to call, but I knew that I would also hurt people if I didn’t get help for myself, so even though I felt silly, I called a help line. Honestly just knowing that there is no right way to handle my mental illness really helped me work through it.
It was when I was being forced to do things that weren’t for me, that made me feel worse. I may not like my depression or anxiety, but its kind of a part of who I am, and the things I have been through. I know for some people, they go through things and get out of them, I know for others its a life long struggle and thats okay. I’m never going to shame someone for living with depression, and I hope they never feel that way from anyone else. Just know that you are you, and there is no one exactly like you, so take comfort in handling your mental illness, in whatever positive way that works best for you.
In a time when someone is drowning
do not try to teach them how to swim