I HATE when I’m going through something that feels like its ripping my heart out, and physically causing me pain, and I open up to someone, as a release to let it out even just a little, because I can’t stop crying, and they respond to me with “Yeah, break ups are hard”, Seriously!? Thats the cliché line you’re going to throw at me right now, while I share my biggest insecurity, of feeling so weak and vulnerable, while my heart is breaking and aching?
If you have ever given someone that line let me please tell you right now, that you should NEVER use that line again! EVER! Like as though I didn’t already know, that what I am currently going through, emotionally, spiritually and physically is fucking hard.
Maybe for some people a break up is just “hard”, and used so carelessly because all thats it is, is just hard, and then they move on, but for some of us, whether it be that we were truly in love, and had our hearts broken, or that we loved the wrong person, and had to let them go, its more than just hard.
I can’t speak for everyone but I can speak for myself, when I say that when I love someone, no, when I am in love with someone, I form a connection with them in evey sense. It may be hard to understand, or even seem impossible for some people to comprehend, but that is the way that I love. Even when I am no longer “in” love with a person, I still love them, because I have unconditional love.
Now, just because its unconditional, doens’t mean I haven’t learnt when to walk away, from someone who doesn’t love me, or who hurts me, or from a toxic relationship, but it does make things hard for me, and it does hurt me so very much.
Maybe thats why it takes me a little longer than others to “get over” someone. Maybe thats why when words like “break ups are hard” are thrown at me so carelessly I feel like they can’t even fathom what I am experiencing right now. Its not comforting, it doesn’t help and trust me you just sound like an ass.
Some things you can say are; “I understand how you are feeling”, or “I could only imagine what you are going through”. Even better things to say would be; “I’m here for you”, or “Is there anything I can do to help?”.
Those are powerful words that can comfort someone in a time of need and dispare. Those simple words of empathy, and kindness, can mean the world to someone, who has lost someone they care deeply for or even love. The end of a relationship can feel like death to some people, and the last thing you want to say to someone who is grieving the loss of someone they love is, “Yeah, its hard”. Fuck off!!! because we know its hard, we are going through it! Maybe you handled your situation differently, or got over it quicker, but that gives you no right to dismiss someones heartache, by clumping it up with everyone elses experience with breakups.
You don’t know what they had, what they went through, or what they had to do, to be where they are now, so since you know that breakups are hard, stop playing captain obvious, and and try to be a little more compassionate.
“I’m sorry but you just didn’t have what it takes” -my mind to my heart, while it breaks.