Acceptance

So, as we know from reading my previous blogs/stories, I suffer from PTSD, but I also have anxiety and depression. YAY a tornado of crazy mixed feelings! I’d apologize for making a joke about it, except that I try to find the humor in things (even if it is a little twisted) because it helps me deal with these issues. People hear depression and instantly, the snap judgment of “Debbie downer” comes to play. They hear anxiety and its “crazy/high strung Alice.” PTSD!?!?! “Paranoid and can’t let go of the past”I’m here to say, they are WRONG! Not on every level because yeah depression is a downer, anxiety does make you feel high strung and at times “crazy” and well, lets face it, PTSD even to the sufferer feels like they are trapped in the past.

 

I still live my daily life like almost every other “normal” person (what is normal anyway!?!?!). I wake up, I get my day ready, I plan my events and I go about my life. It may take a few mantras before I can physically get out of bed, I may also have to rearrange my schedule so I can have someone come with me to an event because my social anxiety gets unbearable at times but I make it work. Most of the time you wouldn’t even know I’m suffering because most of the time its done in silence.

 

I’ve learned to keep some things to myself as I’ve started to overcome some of my issues, but that’s not to say that I don’t speak up or share my feelings with others; I’m just cautious of who I share it with. I have come to realize that if I dwell on my issues or share them with the wrong sorts of people, I tend to get worse or drown in my own feelings and then it becomes almost impossible to get out of. Then the harsh talk comes in “Alice, all that hard work out the window, good luck getting back up now.”

 

Now, in my life, I strive to accept myself for who I am and surround myself with those who accept me for who I am as well. Positive and empathetic people for the most part because, isn’t that what we all need? Those are the people I can share my concerns or feelings with, because its a release of all the bottled up feelings I have to hold in when I’m around people who don’t understand. I try and stay focused on the good things in life but I also let myself be sad when I need to be. I let myself stay in when I don’t feel comfortable being in the public eye and when I’M READY to share my feelings or get out into the world I can do it with a bit more ease and comfort because I can feel supported. Not just by friends and loved ones, but most importantly by ME!
-Alice 

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