90 days since my last drink. Probably the longest I’ve gone without alcohol since I was 17. I’ve been dealing with an extreme amount of fatigue the past few days. I’ve been having nightmares like you wouldn’t believe. Waking up sweating. It’s been hard as of late. My sleeping patterns are far from the normal. I seem to be waking up twice throughout the night.
Having said all that, I don’t plan on ever going back to the way things were. If this is what it takes for me to feel better, I’ll take it all in stride. I’ve had to make drastic changes to my lifestyle and the people around me. I wouldn’t consider myself a loner at this point but I seem to be just fine as of late being left alone. Almost a preference if you will. No more calls or texts showing up on my phone to go out for beers or hangout and play video games (which was code for let’s get drunk and play video games) and I thought I would be missing it a lot. But in all honesty, not the slightest bit. I haven’t seen SOME OF my friends in almost 5 months. My life and my body has been changing since my last drink. And once these withdrawal symptoms go away,I feel as if I’ll be able to accomplish much more than I set out to do. If I could graduate college, buy a truck, and purchase a house all the while drinking regularly on weekends. Imagine what I can do while I’m sober. The sad thing is, SOME of the people around me can’t seem to handle the fact that I am where I am in life and choose to root against me. When I fail or slip and fall, they have something to talk about amongst themselves. Call it jealousy, envy or what have you. I’ve simply had enough. So my supporting cast and close friends have become my parents. My relationship with them hasn’t been better and I know I can count on their unconditional love no matter what. They pick me up when I’m down and encourage me to be successful in life. I can see their faces light up when I talk about work or what I’ve done to the new house. My bad days, my good days, there’s never any judgment. Which is the complete opposite of what I was receiving from SOME of the people around me. Some maybe more than others, but I associate some of them as a burden to my happiness. I wanted everyone around me to be successful, to have good jobs, and to be motivated. But they took that as gloating, bragging and cocky. I used to be cocky when it came to sports back in high school. But at 29 years old, I don’t need that shit in my life anymore. Just like I don’t need pretenders in my life. The only person I trust is me. I’ve put my faith in others but did not work out. If your reading this, I want you to know that you can hate me, love me, loath me, or dispise me all you want. It’s all background noise from here on out. I’m gonna be successful and I’m gonna be damn proud of it. Cuz unlike some people I know, I’ve had to work hard for everything I’ve received in life. That truck didn’t pay for itself and the only money I ever depended on, was mine. I didn’t need help. I busted my ass off, all the while drinking and partying, so if you hated me then, I can’t wait till you see me sober.