We fast forward 2 years after Jared started therapy……
Since then, he has quit his job as a labourer and at the fast food restaurant. he found a job he loves to do. It was a hard few months in between jobs with barely any income, but after a couple late payments and some patience, it all worked out for Jared’s family. He was a much happier person at home. He felt less stress during work. Was sleeping at normal times during the weekend and taking care of his body properly.
He learned at therapy that self love, above all, was the most important gift you could give yourself. Being your own best friend was the key in growing happier within ones self. He had been trying so hard to please everyone else around him that he lost touch with himself. When he got rejected, or wasn’t liked by someone at work, he took it harder out on himself and felt like he was to blame for it all. Everybody in this world deserves to be loved. If we don’t learn to “love thy self as thy neighbour” as the bible says, we make it harder for us to receive love by someone else. So as Jared was taking this all in, he was starting to see the world in a whole new perspective. He is understanding that in order to fix a problem, we have to peel off the layers, in order to reach the core.
Almost every single addict or alcoholic has had something very traumatic happen to them during their upbringing. No ones life was perfect growing up, some people just have different standards than others. For example, a boy whose family was rich, was also going through a difficult divorce, which tore the boy to pieces being around angry upset people 24/7. Meanwhile a little girl whose family was loving, caring and always there for each other was struggling to make payments and often ate supper in the dark. Both are heartbreaking in very different scenarios. But goes to show that mental illness can attack anyone at any age at any time. Rich or poor, God created us all equal. Our bank account does not define us.
We become good at wearing masks most of our lives. As if everything was perfect. But sooner or later you will reveal the emotional pain you went through. For some, drinking brings that out in people. They become angry, violent, depressed, or drink till they blackout. Jared seemed to drink himself till he blacked out regularly almost as if he was punishing himself and his body. He hated himself for not fitting in with people he wanted too. He tried so hard to fit in with the popular crowd that when he was rejected he instead shut down as if he didn’t deserve to have friends. He felt like he was different or weird. Then a thought comes to his head. Maybe if he stopped trying to fit in with people, he wouldn’t have hung out with alcoholic drug addicts in the first place. MAYBE , if he loved himself unconditionally, he wouldn’t feel the need to seek it elsewhere! And that is when we create the domino effect. When we conquer the core problem, the rest shall follow.
If we can look past the problems we visibly see. The drinking, the anger issues, the depression, the anxiety, etc. We will then start to make progress on helping someone. We don’t cure people with depression or anxiety, we help them. What’s happened in the past has happened and cannot be changed, but it doesn’t have to take the strangle hold on our lives as it once did.
People will say “you drink way too much, you have a drinking problem”. I disagree, Yes the person does have an issue that needs to be addressed. But it’s not the drinking that’s the problem, it’s what drives the person to want to drink so much that will help. Not avoiding bars or parties, because that’s no way to live. You can free yourself of any kind of burden you face if you can conquer the core.
Jared paid off his debt with mark, then blocked and deleted his number. He didnt need marks approval anymore. He found it within himself. Which allowed him to become so much more lovable to his wife and kids.