With his palms beginning to sweat and his mind racing with ideas for a legit answer. He starts to feel light headed and dizzy. He’s breathing fiercely now, and heads outside for air. He feels like he just ran a marathon, and he was about to have a heart attack with no idea why. His brain is clouded and can’t think straight. Jared shuts his eyes and covers his face with his hands. He just had his first panic attack. An experience he’s never gone through before. Though he has no idea of what happened or why it’s happening, he figures it’s probably just dehydration from all the beer this past weekend. He makes his way to the washroom to splash water in his eyes, and downs a cup full of water.
One hundred and fifty dollars. Maybe not the worst amount of money wastedd on a drug, but to a single working parent anticipating a third child on the way, It wasn’t exactly in the budget. Jared brainstorms on what he could possibly reply with to his wife. She knows Jared didn’t have friends, she’s met all his family members. So who could this Zach guy be to Jared, and why did Jared owe him that much money? With nothing coming to mind, he responds “I’ll explain when I get home babe”. It at least buys him time to think.
The drive home was a quiet one, no radio or music playing to cheer him up from work. He had much bigger things to worry about. How could he have been so stupid. He knows he didn’t have that much money to just throw away. He’s on the verge of a breakdown now, his eyes are filling up fast with tears. With an angry look on his face he couldn’t have gripped that steering wheel any harder. He’s once again beating himself up emotionally inside and starts to wonder why he’s even alive. “I’m nothing but a screw up, I’ll never get ahead in life and certainly don’t deserve the title of husband or father.” “Everyone hates me, i have nobody to talk to and the world is way better off without me.” He’s going on and on at this point putting himself down instead of thinking of an excuse as to why the money was spent. He doesn’t notice that he’s speeding way above the speed limit at this point and sees that he has now missed his turnoff. Now even more angry that he just added another 25 minutes to his drive home. He starts to scream. The loudest he’s ever screamed since birth. It was a cry out for help. He’s not in a good place and certainly should not be driving. As he sees his next turn off he forgets to shoulder check to his right and switches lanes immediately. He hears a loud horn followed by screeching of tires and veers back to his lane before pulling over to the side of the road. He had just barely missed a huge collision and now has a paralyzing look on his face.
Isn’t it aweful how Jared can’t seem to catch a break? Or is it more so his fault for putting himself in that kind of position? In my opinion it’s a bit of both. I think him being stressed out from working two jobs, dealing with harassment at work, and being the sole provider for his family has taken a toll on his mental health. The rest is just a domino effect. The drinking, the drugs, the inadequate work he’s doing. I wonder what would have happened if he was at a different company, working with better guys. Would he have felt the need to go to that bar for a drink? He never would have met mark. Life is funny how one single decision could impact a persons life that much. He’s turning into an alcoholic drug addict that now has to go home and lie to his wife, or risk losing her and the kids.
Part 7 to come..